It annoys me that male comics/humor can be as raunchy and uncomfortable as possible when it attacks women, but when women go for the jugular in setting up the male asshole victim in a humor bit, it’s seen as an “agenda” and Bad & Wrong.

NOTE: I am getting my pieces critiqued, so I really do want to make sure I am being funny here (which brings up even more self-doubt and gaslighting from men in my life in the guise of being “helpful). At least the (male) director didn’t ask for any edits and seems to encourage the possible audience polarization.

One morning at my old job I had to go in and act as boss for my crew, since our actual boss was out that day. I got up late by mistake and was generally rushing on public transit and accidentally took the wrong train. I got off a stop later to make the transfer to get back uptown. I was running up the stairs and I noticed someone behind me but since trains always have people emptying out, it makes sense. I crossed the hall to the other stairs to get on the side of the tracks and the dude was still following me. He called out to me, “Miss! Miss, I think you dropped your wallet.”

I went to turn, feeling kinda weird/scared because being approached by anyone alone in public is strange or can be anxiety-inducing. I passed my hand over my bag because that’s where my wallet is usually kept and felt there and turned all teh way around as I saw the guy quickly undoing his pants to flash me. I screamed and panicked and ran down the stairs and felt really upset.

It’s not so much about the action is the intent to scare and force some sort of sexual situation or have power over you. And it happens over and over and over and over and it builds up. And in this particular instance, it triggered a memory (specifically that one) I had of an awful event, but that isn’t even the first time I’ve been flashed. It’s this thinking that men can and are allowed to force any interaction they want on us, especially one involving their genitals.

I can’t speak for all men, but I feel pretty sure in believing that I’m not alone in this. And this is something that privileged people really need to hammer home to themselves, over and over: situations that you feel perfectly safe in are NOT safe for everyone.

Thanks for reminding me.

It would have been appreciated if you had responded to the original e-mail a week or so ago.